Human Pandas

Lions were roaring.

Some Humans were unable to get a good night’s sleep.

Monkeys were jumping into the back gardens of other Humans.

Holyrood Planners seemed unaware as to what was going on !

The former Corstorphine Hospital was put up for sale and Sundial Dundas purchased the site.

They wondered if it would be ok to build houses and flats there. The City of Edinburgh Council Planners seemed to like the idea.

All was going well until the Holyrood Planners shouted …

… ‘stop, wait a minute, what about the Pandas?’.

A shudder of … Panda … Monium … went across the City of Edinburgh, and beyond.

‘Well, what about the Pandas?’ exclaimed Sundial Dundas.

City of Edinburgh Council Planners said much the same, although much more eloquently.

Word got out and almost all Edinburgh’s residents were heard chattering, ‘what’s all this about the Pandas?’

‘It’s the noise, you see’, responded the Holyrood Planners, ‘we’re worried about the health of Sweetie and Sunshine

The Holyrood Planners were concerned about the noises Sundial Dundas might make while building the new houses and flats, could actually kill the Pandas off.

Meanwhile, over in Old Town, the Community Council chirped “so, they’ll be needing an Environmental Impact Assessment then?” (see Annex B).

“No chance!” said Let There Be Light, “that will never happen.”

“Why’s that then” OTCC asked. But they already knew why.

OTCC had known the answer for years now, ever since the site for the proposed new Virgin Hotel was first mooted.

Pandas don’t live nearby, but there are lots of Humans …. resident Humans, visitor Humans and business Humans too.

The proposed Virgin Hotel would be situated in the heart of Victoria Street, Cowgatehead and George IV Bridge.

The City of Edinburgh Council Planners were clear that an Environmental Impact Assessment was definitely not needed for the proposed Virgin Hotel.

Lady Wise agreed.

And that was that !

People were beginning to accept that Environmental Impact Assessments (see Annex B) were definitely not needed for the Human species.

They started to believe Environmental Impact Assessments (see Annex B). were only needed for other species instead, species such as the Pandas.

There was an upbeat almost celebratory humming, at the former Royal High School buildings over on Calton Hill.

“We don’t have Pandas” they hummed.

“We don’t have Human neighbours either.”

But we most definitely do have an Environmental Impact Assessment”.

And the consensus was starting to look something like this.

Environmental Impact Assessments (see Annex B) were primarily about keeping Pandas healthy.

Environmental Impact Assessments (see Annex B) might have been a good idea for building sites, provided they are not surrounded by Humans.

But, Environmental Impact Assessment (see Annex B) were most definitely not needed for built-up City-Centre areas lived in, and surrounded by … Humans.

Which brings us to Sir Richard Branson. We like his perspective on leaders. We agree that leaders’ advice should be questioned on occasions.

Edinburgh Old Town Community Council has high hopes. We look forward to Sir Richard, his team at India Buildings Ltd and others :

  1. producing a suitable and sufficient Environmental Impact Assessment (see Annex B) for the proposed Virgin Hotel
  2. publishing that Environmental Impact Assessment (see Annex B) online before the building of the proposed Virgin Hotel commences
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